If the Royals did MySpace surveys...

Where​ did you begin​ 2008?​
We had a fanfest thing in January in KC. Tons of people came out to see our new powder blues and our expensive new outfielder Jose. He took advantage of the spotlight to complain about the plan to use him as a left fielder. what a baby lol. Some of us went around the midwest on the Royals Caravan.

What was your statu​s by Valen​tines​ Day?
all checked in at Surprise and in the best shape of our lives! or at least that's what we always say.

Were you in schoo​l anyti​me this year?​
Only the School of Hillman, where we learned how to make idiot baserunning mistakes, cut down on walks, and say inflammatory things to the media.

Did you have to go to the hospi​tal?​
some of us had some pretty crazy injuries, like hives in the middle of a game, punching doors, and having Ross Gload cut us down at the ankles.

Did you have any encou​nters​ with the polic​e?​
Yeah Callie got picked up for driving drunk. we also had an encounter with the mitchell report. Oh, and some suspensions for punching pierzynski and Co. too. We have no regrets for that.

Where​ did you go on vacat​ion?​
Well all of us were free to go wherever we wanted after the regular season ended, just like every year. Then some of us went to Venezuela, Hawaii, the Dominican, and other places for winter ball.

What did you purch​ase that was over 100?
We bought an outfielder before the season started, but it turned out that may have been a stupid idea. We got a raise in our allowance after the season, and got all excited and spent it foolishly on junk we didn't need and won't like by the time we actually use it.

Did you know anybo​dy who got marri​ed?​
Yeah, a couple of our guys get married every year. As long as their wives are nice and they keep playin decent ball, we don't mind much.

Did you move anywh​ere?​
Our AA players moved from wichita to nw arkansas, but other than that we mostly stayed put.

What sport​ing event​s did you atten​d?​
Do our own games count as sporting events? lol I guess we went to about 162 of those, even though we were told during ST to prepare for about 185. Some of us - OK just Jack - also attended the all-star game and stuff.

What is the one thing​ you thoug​ht you would​ not do, but did, in 2008?​
we did better than some ppl - ok just the baseball prospectus ppl - said we would. it was only one game's difference, but we'll take what we can get. We also gave in and gave some major league ABs to a few first basemen whose initials are not RG. That's something we never saw coming, and might regret someday.

What has been your favor​ite momen​ts?​
We had a lot of great moments from our pitching staff, and we're really happy with those guys. We signed Joakim to a pretty cool long-term deal, and felt great about that every time we watched him pitch. Filthy, isn't he? We also had some exciting moments from DeJesus, like that walkoff he hit in July against the Mariners, and one he hit off of Mariano Rivera in June. Grudzy got his 2,000th career hit - he's the 6th guy to do that as a Royal. And we as a team played a big part in making the battle for the division as tight as it was. Those games felt a little like the playoffs, and we liked that! Oh, and we didn't finish in last place. That was sorta cool too.

Any new addit​ions to your famil​y?​
Well John Buck's wife had twin boys, and we made a lot of changes to the "family" of the team - like Hillman and everyone else.

What was your best month​?​
September was a blast. We won a ton of games and people quit making fun of us so much.

Who has been your best drink​ing buddy​?​
Alberto Callaspo...well, he used to be. j/k but seriously i dunno.

Made new frien​ds?​
We always make new friends but the thing that never changes is how much aj pierzynski is NOT our friend.

Favor​ite Night​ out?
Prolly the night of that DDJ walkoff. Is there anything that feels sweeter than a win like that? Well prolly the playoffs but we don't relaly know how those feel.

Chang​e your hairs​tyle?​
Well this one time Gil shaved Bucky's head and then he pitched really well, so he kept doing it. Whatever works for the team, right? And a bunch of us grew all different beards, but none were as awesome as the Soria Abe Lincoln look lol.

Do you have a New Years​ resol​ution​?​
We gotta play at least .500 all season, and try not to let the Star pick up on so many things we don't like in the clubhous. And maybe don't make Trey wanna yell at us out on the field again!!1!

Do anyth​ing embar​rassi​ng?​
Lots of things - see above - getting yelled at right there on the field made us feel like total losers. Then in August we got no-hit, which was cool for Lester but that doesn't mean we liked it! Then we lost 11 more games in a row after that. Oh and then there was August - we only won 7 games that ENTIRE month. wtf? What kind of major league team does that? seriously it was stupid.

Buy anyth​ing new from eBay?​
idk maybe like some ash for new bats!

Get arres​ted?​
Yeah one of us did but Callie's turnin it around


Been snowb​oardi​ng?​
That's prolly not a great idea, we might get hurt. That doesn't mean none of us went though!

Did you get sick this year?​
Lots of us had the flu in arizona, that was really gross. Puke everywhere ewww. Then there were some problems with hives for SOME of our guys - DDJ i'm lookin at you lol - but otherwise no huge illnesses i don't think

Are you happy​ to see 2008 go?
YES!!!!! we can only get better from here, right? ...right??????

Been naugh​ty or nice?​
lol we all try to be nice buuuut it's hard to be that way in baseball. plus we lost a lot of games which isn't very nice.

Farnsworth, after the smoke clears: Still a thumbs-down

I have given myself a few days to digest the Kyle Farnsworth signing. I thought that perhaps my initial rage would subside into something more palatable, which I could then turn into a blog post that was actually worth something (very unlike my first attempt at analysis of the deal).
All I had to say that day was this:

$9.25 million? Really, Dayton?

That's a lot of money, for not a lot of pitcher.

...And really, that's all I can think of now. It still makes absolutely no sense to sign a "pitcher" (I'm using that word generously) like Farnsworth for THAT MUCH MONEY. In last year's Baseball Prospectus book, he was described as "an overpaid trash-time pitcher, albeit one with unusually good velocity for that role."

Once again, it seems that the Yankees' abundance of money is at the root of this problem. After 2005, by far Farnsy's best season, the Yanks snagged him for about $5.5 million, when he had previously never made more than $1.9 million. This year, when New York traded him back to Detroit for Ivan Rodriguez, his salary was up to $5.9 million.

That's quite a trick he's playing; being a guy who throws pretty hard but can't actually pitch, and getting ridiculous millions to do it. But if the Yanks had never been so jumpy to sign him at whatever cost, we wouldn't be here today. (Sorry, apparently part of my grief over this signing includes finding someone to blame. I don't really mean anything by it.)

Was there a purpose in paying him that much in the first place? I know his 2005 season was awesome, but did it warrant a pay raise of $3.5 million? Were the Yanks that desperate for a right arm in their pen?

In 2005, New York had these right-handed non-closers throwing significant innings in their bullpen: Tom Gordon, Tanyon Sturtze, Felix Rodriguez, Scott Proctor, and Paul Quantrill.

Sturtze and Proctor stayed with New York for 2006, and the team added righties Farnsworth, Brian Bruney, and rookie T.J. Beam. (Again, those are just the guys with more than a handful of appearances.) That pitching staff was already pretty darn good in '05, and improved in the standings in pretty much every category in '06. So I'm not trying to say that the addition of Farnsworth was an inherently bad thing for the Yankees from the start, but did it have to be such a high-dollar signing?

I can understand New York grabbing him off of his hot season; it's easy to see why he was a tempting free agent target for them. But I'm having a harder time understanding why Dayton Moore was so jumpy for him this year. Does Moore really believe that no one as good as Farnsworth (but preferably better) would be available at all this winter? Oh hey look, I found one! And I'm not even a GM.

Farnsworth in 2008 was NOT Farnsworth from 2005. So why be so quick to throw craploads of money at him? Like I said, I can understand why a team would want to bite on a reliever after a really good year, like Boston going for RamRam or the Yanks and our boy Farnsy. But this line, and all the scouting reports on Farnsworth do not inspire confidence, and certainly not $9.2 million worth of confidence.

IP H R ER HR BB SO HBP WP BFP IBB BK ERA *lgERA *ERA+ WHIP
60.3 70 32 30 15 22 61 1 1 261 4 1 4.48 4.44 99 1.525

(Sorry if the spacing is all weird; you can just look at his baseball-reference page)

I'm trying my hardest to find a silver lining. We all are. But the best anyone can come up with is that the Royals are well-equipped with players who can lead the team to victory in bench-clearing brawls. Oh, goody.

I have officially spent too much time thinking about this waste of money and roster space. I'm going to bed.

Dear Trey Hillman: the Shealy edition

I wrote this a few days ago, when a lineup published prior to a game didn't include Shealy. That reported lineup turned out to be wrong - Shealy was in that game - so I figured I didn't need to use this. Lo and behold, I was wrong. I'm starting to think Trey Hillman is just a really terrible manager. Anywho, on with it:

Dear Trey Hillman,
I know you've got a big job - it can't be easy running a team full of egos, babies, underperformers, and glorified AAA players. You're expected to do a lot with a very small amount of talent.I understand you're not in an enviable position, and no matter what you do, some people are going to be upset. That's what happens when you take the helm of a team like this.

HOWEVER, one basic thing that Royals fans should never have to endure from their manager again is the abuse of September callups. We had plenty of that with Buddy Bell, and many of us are in utter, horrified disbelief that you're doing the same thing.

Ross Gload is not an everyday first baseman; let's just get that out of the way right now. That should make it SO much easier to juggle your crowd of bodies at that position. I'll even take it a few steps further for you: Billy Butler isn't exactly a natural at that position either, but he can hit, and Jose Guillen has spent all but 6 weeks of the season hitting like Tony Pena Jr., so he shouldn't be your first choice at DH.

Do you see what I've done for you? You now have just two men for the 1B job. One of them might not fare as well against lefties as the other, so there's another big clue as to how your lineup card should be filled out each night.

Trey, please. You're not stupid (I think), so why are you not seeing how desperately we need to see both Ryan Shealy and Kila Ka'aihue get swings against ML pitchers? Shealy's not exactly young, and he's been "fighting for his life" (his words, not mine) in Omaha for way too long. I could argue that he should have been called up in July, but that's in the past so I'll let it go. But it's September now, and plate appearances are few.

Someone a little closer to the situation has said that you're losing it, Trey. People aren't giving you respect in the clubhouse, a dire managerial situation. Is assembling a lineup which contains neither Shealy nor Ka'aihue the way to get anyone to respect you as a manager? You're keeping Guillen in the lineup at a position for which he's not fit because he'd tear you a new one if you ever dared to bench him. That's no way to pick your DH; it's cowardly. Man up, Trey, and do what's good for your team.

Shealy's not going to be a godlike force with MVP numbers - even I know that. But he's out of time; he has this month to show where he belongs, whether that is in the majors or minors; with the Royals or with a team who won't screw him over and play Ross Gload over him all year.

And if you're not going to give Shealy the PAs he desperately needs to prove himself for next year's roster, why not give Ka'aihue a look? You don't need to platoon the two in a traditional sense; Ka'aihue's evaluation doesn't need to be as urgent. But to leave them both him and Shealy out so you can play Gload at first again? What a waste.

At this point, you're lucky we still care at all. Don't push your luck.
Still a fan (despite your best efforts),
Minda

[Ed. note: PS, I'm not dead. But the Royals suck, and I'm in school again, so...homework and crap. Boo!]

Despair

Six innings gone, and the Royals haven't had a single freaking baserunner.

Has a team ever been the victim of a no-hitter AND a perfect game in the same season? The Royals are the perfect candidate: They've already been no-hit, so we know that can happen, and they're dead last in the league in walks drawn. All Armando Galarraga has to do is avoid plunking anyone, and he should be able to finish what he's started.

This team = yuck. Ergo, my life = yuck.

In anticipation of this I-70 Series

Alberto Callaspo does his very best Tony La Russa impression.

Royals utility player arrested for DUI

A Kansas City Royals infielder spent more than seven hours in jail today after he was arrested for driving under the influence.

Campus police for the University of Missouri-Kansas City stopped Alberto J. Callaspo, 25, about 3 a.m. after he allegedly ran a red light near E. 48th and Oak streets, just north of the campus. The officer booked Callaspo into the jail at Kansas City police headquarters downtown about 4:30 a.m.

Callaspo appeared before a municipal judge via video camera about 10:10 a.m., and the judge granted him a signature bond. He was released just before noon.

Additional details about the arrest were not available because the UMKC police report was not completed.

The Royals obtained Callaspo last winter from the Diamondbacks in exchange for pitcher Billy Buckner. The Royals website said he has filled in at second base and shortstop and has a batting average of .290.

Meanwhile, there are 90-mph winds outside. Better shut down the computer and hide for a bit! Wish me luck!